Yesterday I walked around my work, contemplating the fact that I only had three days left here before moving on to a new chapter. I was fine with it, with everything almost. Something in me had finally calmed and I was able to breathe – even eat. I was social. I laughed and talked to people. I actually even did a little bit of work, even though at this point I’m just here to observe. I was good.
Today, not so much. Today I have absolutely no desire to be here, or be social. I’m watching things change and I don’t like what I see. I’m anti-social and don’t care much to eat. I’m bitter, actually. And anxious. Almost angry even. The drive here consisted of acting like I really don’t care who else is on the road. I’m not even sure why.
The up and down feeling of this roller coaster of emotions I’ve been on is finally breaking me down. I’m exhausted. And now I’m mentally preparing for the next five days of fast-paced chaos that will lead me to the next part of my life. I’m definitely looking forward to the sleep I will have after all of this is finished. I’m looking forward to some damn clarity. To just fucking relax and work on myself – I’m still hoping that’s possible.
I’m tired of the cloud that I’m in, and letting myself sink. Does this mean tomorrow will be better?